In a failed democracy the one thing both sides can agree on is that the real traitors are the loyal opposition

Hook-up apps have given intimacy all the allure of an oil change

I told my daughter Let me give you some free advice: You get what you pay for And she said I don’t get it

Never trust anyone who doesn’t believe in hell They’re almost always the ones whose idea of heaven is usurping God

When the world is a tsar Insisting: Don’t you dare be who… Take it as a dare and risk the sca…

When Eddie Money said “I’ve got two tickets to paradise” he didn’t mention that the paradise sales team only sells tickets in pairs

When we say something is infinite Say, the universe What we really mean Is that it is unfinished

What is the internet? It’s not a thing in space and time It’s a nothing in timeless cybersp… You could represent it with– “The symbol zero denoting the abse…

God is the storm un– til He becomes your shelter from the storm. Amen

Life is a trial in which the more you obey the guiltier you become Miraculously

The climate change deniers missed the boat on all the ocean front property in Arizon…

At the end of life you can either say I brought it or I bought it

Our brains are just big enough to operate eight fingers and two thumbs An octopus is smart but if it also had

Everybody knows that Jews are indigenous to Israe… that they were frogmarched out into the oft-deadly diaspora by th… and that they have openly and

When my dog gives me that knowing… I don’t know what she knows I only know that she knows Who I’m fooling And it isn’t her