A wise man once told me that there are two kinds of family prob… He said Family Problem #1 is not having a family

In the first half of life I tried it your way and succeeded which is how I got over you In the second half of life I did it my way and failed

When I got my first honey-do list after the wedding I explained to my bride that I us… until I was bitten by one of the 5… that don’t make webs

I can’t just let go of my past I have to lose a tug of war and get third degree rope burns

As AI gets smarter and smarter we’ll grow cuter and cuter until like a pug who struggles to breath… we’re too cute for our own good

If God is dead we get eternal recurrence, when things just keep happening ov… and transference, where every authority figure

I’m afraid, I’m afraid not I’m afraid, I’m afraid not I’m afraid, I’m afraid not I’m afraid, I’m afraid not I’m afraid

The older that I get, the more wanton lust looks like wanting for love

The universe is a kinetic watch so time only keeps going if we’re on the move making Zeno’s paradox of motion just a way of reassuring ourselves

They let Potter get away with any… but somehow I get expelled for flo… that a wizard can’t have the same… even though zero (magic) is only half as large as double ze…

It’s become harder than ever to be the court jester– you have to use humor to speak

Soft totalitarianism is like shoes That are just tight enough To remain comfortable If you don’t go anywhere

Whereas Mayor McCheese loved reading about himself in the newsp… ex-Mayor McCheese was served with divorce papers

The easiest way to tell that climate change is a new religion is that it allows for plenty of missed deadlines

I still believe that anything is possible It’s just that now nothing would surprise me