Because a man is only as good as h… you’ll know he means what he says when you see him do it But on social media a man is only his words

When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped

Politics has become another form of showbiz but while the showman should always leave them wanting more the politician knows to

Skulls of Roman glad– iators indicate high rates of C.T.E.

If people tell you what they plan to do and you don’t believe them it’s because pretending they don’t really mean it

My utopia is a dystopia where I get to say I told you so

It’s always a bad idea To admit you have no idea Put another way: No idea is a bad idea You get the idea

Like Ikea fur– niture, I am difficult to put together

There was once a time when No Jews allowed Meant No Jews allowed But now they say

My ego is too big

So, how did we survive? We felt God’s Presence OMG, we would have never thought…

My wife– All 5 feet of her– Busted me out of prison So that I could get back To a life of time

Climate change is just the latest chapter in our ever-ending story

When your nuclear family of origin Takes the nuclear option They’ve already gone mad and self-… So, they’re counting on mutual ass… To finish the job

One party rule Finally clicked in America When the ruling party rebranded As the Pajama Party