When the shit hits the fan at least I know I won’t be wearing flip-flops

The real miracle is that While you can’t believe without im… You can fake it ‘til you make it Revealing the passage towards beli… Belying your disbelief with the ac…

We never know what’s in the offing Which is why we’re always on Except on Shabbos When we’re off And then it’s off to the races aga…

We have achieved the classless society: eve– rything is tacky

Life’s unhappiest surprises always come from those you’ve known forever without ever knowing the score but now you will

Your soul is mission control And Houston We have a problem Literally Problem is

To avoid road rage all rearview mirrors have been replaced by screens displaying a real-time computerize… of the way things ought to be

When Mao said “Everything under heaven is in utt… he went on to kill 60 million of h… When Xi Jinping said “Everything under surveillance is…

The fear of God is hard to define… Like many things You know it when you see it Which is whenever you witness some… Summon the courage to do what must…

Life is simple; the meaning of life is complicated As a man I’m a simple creature but I’ve been married long enough… that women are complicated

When we say something is infinite Say, the universe What we really mean Is that it is unfinished

The faceless horde finds strength in numbers by losing themselves in the crowd But when your numbers are small

You can’t believe without doubt But if you only believe in doubt Then you’re doubting doubt Which is like Exhaling and exhaling

We think nothing’s shocking since we’ve seen it all when really it’s because we’re blind to the obvious