Finding God is like that feeling… When you look everywhere for your… But can’t find them anywhere Until you realize they are on your… They don’t have a word for this fe…

In the act of creating new life men presage their relationship with death

It was easier to live the lie I w… Than to face the truth we all knew But eventually The truth blew up in my face And now it’s written all over my f…

Antisemitism is suddenly easy to f… It’s a mile wide and just scratch the surface an inch deep– You’ll find it there

An uninterrupted winning streak Can only be had through An unchanging mean streak

When civilization was still buildi… deconstruction was all the rage Now that everything we’ve built is… rage is all the rage

Our mistake is in believing That a lifetime of events Come varyingly in one of two forms… Blessing or curse When in truth

If you don’t believe I’m the Led Zeppelin of poetry just wait ‘til you see my poems go over like a lead balloon

There was always an urn on the man… made from terra cotta Little then did I know it was for the remains of the persona non gra…

You know a hipster is aging gracef… When he comes to see that Objects in mirror Are closer than they appear

Before the culture war you could talk to someone anyone say what you think and, when necessary, append a

I’m neither handy nor a dandy but my wife still finds me handy d…

I told my daughter Let me give you some free advice: You get what you pay for And she said I don’t get it

I was happily feeding at the trough when I noticed it had been filled with finger food

When the NSA reads my email are they ab– le to discern tone