You could say I tried stand-up but for the audience it was more like when the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on your own oxygen mask…

If people tell you what they plan to do and you don’t believe them it’s because pretending they don’t really mean it

Friendly competition is heaven on… Culture war is hell on wheels Of time But now that our culture’s wheels… We’ll soon be out of time

To elide is to join together by omitting The world elides Jews abide

To break up with your significant other just say I need space To break it off

When I risk loss for those who are lost only then shall we both be found

Wittgenstein’s fly in the bottle consults the map for directions to find the map

How anti-Semites use exegesis to… against the Jews: Step 1 – Cite Love your Enemy Step 2- Interpret

Carry a pen, should you need to write “Note to self: Congratulations!”

In a real life version of the ugly duckling discovering s… I was the reject popsicle stick who at long last found out I was a handy tongue depressor

In a failed democracy the one thing both sides can agree on is that the real traitors are the loyal opposition

When I listen to the blues I can’t stop thinking of advice I’d give

We’re running out of time Because we’re running So walk, don’t run For though we have no time to wast… Haste still makes waste

Well at least he died doing something he felt he had no choice about

The truth is always at a disadvant… because while you can harness truth in service of a lie you can’t tell lies