The moment I think It’s beneath me the solid ground collapses into a sinkhole where I remain
During the rodeo clown shortage nobody thought that the rodeo mime… but the mimes surprised everyone distracting the bulls by silently evoking the dignity
Human beings would be hopeless but for God being hopelessly in love with us
Some people have baggage; I come with furniture Fortunately, my wife enjoys rearranging
In comic books Superheroes assume a secret identi… In order to fool others So they can continue to serve othe… In real life
Reason is a gift from God But it is not the path to God There is a reason for this: God’s love for you is unreasonable
After years of therapy I was able to go from survivor’s guilt to thriver’s guilt
Everybody knows The pen is mightier than the sword But few understand That it’s because The pen is a lightsaber
When they replaced me at work with… I was suddenly able to devote a lo… to not being the creative type
We think nothing’s shocking since we’ve seen it all when really it’s because we’re blind to the obvious
Forecasting the rain in Spain is mainly done in vain
I am going to delay early retirement until everyone is middle class
When we were kids we liked to spell Mississippi out loud for fun but we never pronounced the S’s–
When I was a child Parents sent their kids Outside to play Now we treat children Like little adults
If you want to ruin a man give him what he wants– This is the devil’s only secret
