I am simultaneously purging while binge watching TV on my Gal… by ignoring my wife and kids
I thought I’d crafted a mystique when all I’d rea– lly made were mistakes
People don’t generally like instru… because music without words is just math come alive Adding words to music takes it from counting time
My shampoo is nine– ty nine percent natural, as if that were enough
The closest I ev– er came to forming Voltron was using Groupon
You would think doing well on social media would give you strength in numbers but you only end up
We like to think That the solution to our problems Is coming together As one human family When this whole time
Free speech is when you can say anything you want as long as you don’t really believe it
Of late I always feel like I just got off one of the spinning rides at the county fair but that’s just the sensation of civilization accelerating as it
Thanks to his bifocals Ben Franklin could see that while we might look like bald… up close we’re clearly turkeys
You’ll know it’s the Fountain of… when you dive in to get it over wi… endure the shock, but then you never get used to it
Charlie Brown wants To believe Lucy wants To deceive But maybe, just maybe
Domination is feudal But resistance seems futile And lo, we canoodle With the large standard poodle We all know as boodle
Everyone wants to live forever because fear is self-perpetuating No one wants to overcome the fear… because courage is selfless
I knew Remain was in trouble when they announced that a vote fo… was also a vote in favor of renami… Brexit McBrexitface