Unwanted Resilience
I could tell you
About every time I’ve broken my own heart
And then pointed to the emptiness in my chest as proof of my unreservedness
I could explain
How I’ve been given everything I’ve ever asked for – the most beautiful life – and buried it under mountains of broken down cardboard boxes and stacked empty plastic containers
I’d even describe
Those gorgeous sunrises and sunsets, the background of my shame as I make choices that turn me into the person I don’t want to be
I’m tired of admitting
That I wake up in the middle of the night knowing that the only path to peace is death and it comes at the tips of my fingers
Maybe I’ll just be silent
And let the unrealistic expectations and impossible standards melt into a malleable liquid I reshape, forming tools to shield me from a world constantly highlighting my inadequacies
I’ll just sit here in the quiet
Surprised by the strength that’s saved me from myself, the unwavering commitment to surviving my own destruction.
