Kitchen Knives
I’ve been trying my best to be good
I’ve been going through the paces
Counting my blessings and the seconds
As they crawl by in the discomfort
I’ve been doing what I can to stay clean
Letting the demons wrap their hands around my neck and squeeze
Knowing it won’t kill me
And hoping someday they grow tired and leave
I’ve been praying to a God who doesn’t listen
Begging for the strength to change my mind
And the courage to choose one of the many other ways
To keep these idle hands and mind preoccupied
I’ve been asking strangers for advice
Pretending its for some other lost and broken soul
Presenting myself as balanced and capable
Lying through teeth exposed in a fake and friendly smile
I’ve been hushing voices that don’t stop screaming
Ignoring the hurtling insults made with acid tongues
Stupid, hideous, disgusting, worthless
A waste of time and space and energy, better left untouched
I’ve been sitting here, holding a knife to my throat
Waiting for some sign to press harder
Willing someone to walk in and save me
Frozen in time, because no one ever does.
