My shampoo is nine– ty nine percent natural, as if that were enough

My life used to be An open book Now it’s an open state secret

The first step in bearing the trut… is telling it This will make you unbearable, starting the next step of banishme… Form there, it is up to you

Serve (one another) and Play (together)

At night in the city you can only see three stars but you still have to give them five stars

Human beings need to compete for what they want To ruin human beings try meeting their needs

The sign used to say: Gentlemen may remove their hats All others must Now it reads: Ladies and gentlemen may wear thei…

Even when I’ve had sweet dreams Sleeping leaves a bad taste in my… Because even good dreams are bad d… Since the worst thing you can do t… Is to fulfill his wishes

The difference between a materiali… Is that a materialist finds it rat… That dark matter and energy must b… Because it makes their calculation… But fears they’ll never find it

It feels like I’m writ– ing an unauthorized au– tobiography

You cannot beat God in any sport but you can tie Him in bowling

When people give you the silent treatment have them put it in writing

Our brains are just big enough to operate eight fingers and two thumbs An octopus is smart but if it also had

Somewhere between 27% and 53% of… none of which students can legally… is wasted Let’s split the difference and call it 40%

The pursuit of fame is the human equivalent of a dog chasing its own tail