I’m never Ready But I’m always Overprepared

Every ego is a God complex And like you I almost had myself convinced that I am who I am

I’ve reached the age where getting ready for bed is like preparing for a spacewalk

Modern research methods have detec… that there’s no such thing as a ba… leaving scientists puzzled as to w… the whole bunch is still spoiled

They let Potter get away with any… but somehow I get expelled for flo… that a wizard can’t have the same… even though zero (magic) is only half as large as double ze…

I always thought saying slide trombone was like saying pizza pie until I heard about the valve trombone

I will gladly suffer fools for love

For our civilization to function everyone must be willing to meet at the disappointed hour where if you’re not five minutes t… you’re early

Nietzsche, who famously never marr… described marriage as a long conve… Had he wed he would have realized it’s actual… a series of brief interrogations

Our civilization is a bureaucracy And a bureaucracy’s raison d’etre Is to replicate itself Replicate, of course Means to repeat through duplicatio…

A rising tide lifts all boats But a rising sea floods all moats

The difference between A garden variety bullshitter And a bullshit artist Is that bullshitting is easy But a bullshit artist

God doesn’t make mistakes; God makes people People make mistakes And learn from them that God doesn’t make mistakes

In days gone by we said you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink In these more opportune times it’s widely understood that

I thought I was too smart for my own good But happily, I’d overestimated my… and I was just smart enough to be vaporous