My utopia is a dystopia where I get to say I told you so
Either like swords all signs have a point Or like the needle of a compass
If my peccadillos Are mere cigarillos Why is my hide as thick as an arma…
What do you call it when people are so bored that they start playing with fire and soon enough find themselves fighting fire with fire
Physically unscathed after a life of piracy he was forced to lean heavily on his emotional scarring
My astrologer credited her work wi… for the discovery of a thirteenth… Jello the Jellyfish which shares the sting of my erstw… but is distinguished by a spineles…
Free speech is when you can say anything you want as long as you don’t really believe it
Today’s peace movement, in a nutsh… Do what we do Not what we say And we say we come in peace Because we’re mostly peaceful
I always thought saying slide trombone was like saying pizza pie until I heard about the valve trombone
You have your Mr. Fix-It and your Mr. Learn-To-Live-With-It
When I was a baby My mother wiped my bum Social media, then, is the fountai… As I become its obedient child Every time it wipes my memory
My favorite plot twists have always been quicksand and amnesia but I have this sinking feeling I’m forgetting something
Why would they still offer A penny for our thoughts When they can buy in bulk
Because bodies make a fart joke of… etiquette used to dictate that whe… passed gas at, e.g., a dinner part… the polite thing to do was to pret… the fart never happened
We expect a fiduciary relationship with our financial advisors and all they do is help handle the money Yet we so often fail
