Heads I bite my tongue Tails You cut it off

You know a hipster is aging gracef… When he comes to see that Objects in mirror Are closer than they appear

At first we thought This changes everything We weren’t exactly wrong But, of course Everything is highly adaptable

In the new cold war between the neoliberal west and the Chinese Communist Party the neoliberals are destined to wi… having already hacked the path of…

I was never one for playing the field but I was really good at standing on the sideline worrying over my equipment

Like Ikea fur– niture, I am difficult to put together

Mysticism, esoteric knowledge, these are euphemisms for what’s hiding in plain sight: We are not alone

We got the five day work week because that’s how long it takes a python to digest it’s meal

Setting aside crimes of passion, when people commit crimes it’s eit… they think they can get away with… or because they want to get caught Either way, they’re guilty;

Initially, as you approach hell it feels like you’re getting a warm welcome

We are gathered around our phones Like little campfires And all we ever hear Are scary stories

John F. Kennedy’s hair was so lus… for the most part men never wore hats again At first we must have looked oddly like tub…

A wedding ring is a mood ring that never changes color reminding us that a husband should always feel