The quartermaster is responsible f… and nothing more Some of you will be content to half-ass the rest of it Some of you will be willing to ris…

Everyone wants to drive a wedge between the monotheists and the Da… when the only real difference is that the former believe this land was made for you and me

It’s because certain questions will get you killed that certain other questions are also answers

If it’s not anticlimactic it wasn’t worth all the effort

If I said– The worst thing you can say about… is that he always plays it safe– then he sounds like a perfectly ni… But when I say–

I respond to A nail in my tire Like it’s the last nail In my coffin

Not much has changed but now I’m a glass is ten per– cent full kind of guy

My life used to be An open book Now it’s an open state secret

When I got my first honey-do list after the wedding I explained to my bride that I us… until I was bitten by one of the 5… that don’t make webs

The sixth extinction was hardest of all on the balloon animal artists

Heads I bite my tongue Tails You cut it off

At first moving heaven and earth is its own reward because it’s hell on wheels But self-flagellation

It’s horrifying when two parties have a suicide pact but it’s exponentially worse that the far right and far left

They say if you expect disappointment then you will never be disappointed But I say

The soul is an appendix made of wo… and while plenty of people function perfectly well without on… much like the physical appendix– which stores good bacteria