If you don’t believe I’m the Led Zeppelin of poetry just wait ‘til you see my poems go over like a lead balloon

When they closed all the beaches my dad said not to worry and I just knew he’d install the swimming pool I’d always wante… Instead, I came home from school

All cars have always been getaway cars because they tell the world how much you’re getting away with but now all cars are SUVs

I know what I want But do I want everyone else To know what I want That is the question

Just as in tennis I play to my opponent’s level in relationships

I fist met Cap’n Crunch back when he was 2nd Lieutenant C… He did this weird thing where he’d… in the powdered milk powder and sa… Stays crunchy even in milk!

Our civilization is like an egg– It can withstand enormous pressure at the top (for the obvious reasons) and bottom

If, after 10/7 you have the chutzpah to ask What just happened? their answer– It didn’t just happen–

One wonders how they arrived at the 140 character limit per Twe… Did they consult the Kabbalah the average length of haiku or the heart rate of the hummingbi…

If new car smell lasts forever you will not be able to smell it

Do me a favor and riddle me this: Is he favored to win Because he’s our favorite Or is he our favorite Because he’s favored to win?

An army marches on its stomach but it convoys on its internal combustion engine Still, the way to

There’s always a deadline when I read a lifeline so I’ll cut right to the chase: Conjoined with your avatar you will live forever

Hell is other people Purgatory is other people’s money Heaven is money

We spend our whole lives going in… Our mistake is believing that we’r… When we’re always either Slowly spiraling upwards Or caught in a downward spiral