Right up until the last revision it said Life, liberty and the hot pursuit…

People think that the spork didn’t include any aspects of the… because the serrated edge of the prospective all-in-one utensil kept slicing open the focus group…

You have to believe to commit And they think we’re crazy to beli… And would commit us as inpatients If only they had the patience But their patience has worn thin

You need a high in– come to claim the moral high ground on your taxes

Like Coke for Coca-Cola, Mr. Pibb is short for Mr. Pibb, ABD

There’s always been a method to our madness Its latest name is the scientific method The madness is believing in

Socialism insists You should want what you need Capitalism connives To make you need what you want When in truth

No one seems to see (least of all me) that being all you can be isn’t about clutching superiority– it’s for abjuring mediocrity

If it’s not anticlimactic it wasn’t worth all the effort

We went from wearing galoshes over… to wearing galoshes over our shoes… to wearing galoshes as shoes and now we wear galoshes over galo…

The people pleaser’s greatest mist… is believing that if you always walk the line you will never have to

I’ve never been good at shaving I struggle to put on deodorant wit… And I’m frequently dripping tooth… Onto that same shirt In this an many other ways

The only ones Who antisemites hate more than Je… Are Jews who defend themselves There is a name For their belief system:

It’s almost impossible to tell the difference between self-effacement and self-abasement In the former he stays down to earth

Materialism’s biggest assumption Is that death has the last word Which is why In their fear of death Materialists never let anyone else…