They used to give me Birthday presents Now they give me A wide berth
In France everyone thinks Scotch tape is crap
In failing to put the I in team I took the erotic out of neurotic
Mid-life crisis: the failure to start hoping you don’t get what you want
Which came first The morals Or the justification Hint: The #1 excuse
The human capacity for love is perfectly equaled by the human capacity for aggression The chances that these two traits would have been selected for
“You want fries with that?” used to be a line to mock the working poor How ironic that “You want fries with that?”
God is equal parts Ardor and candor But we can’t get a handle on True love
When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped
Is being a conformist without a cause enough to qualify me as an antihero
If you made a Venn Diagram of my office and a coal mine the only thing you’d put where the… is the canary we keep by the copie… If the canary is dead
I wish I could be the Lone Ranger Instead like everyone else I’m the known stranger
I’m still the kind of person who is shocked that you can run out of gas and run out of luck at the exact same time
The baton is a scroll that says– among other things– The road goes on forever Heaven is
Setting aside crimes of passion, when people commit crimes it’s eit… they think they can get away with… or because they want to get caught Either way, they’re guilty;