Colorado Tears
This time is different
I can’t seem to scrape myself off the pavement
Id rather just lie here and melt into the black ground
Where Im not expected to be anything, or even okay
This time cuts deeper
And I lay in the empty tub with hands full of razorblades
Praying for the day when I wont be too afraid
To use them to write my story across my wrists
This time kills me more slowly
The excitement and newness
turned to deafening disappointment faster than it ever has
My head still spinning and my heart grasping onto stupid hope
This time I know its me
I cant blame anyone else for being so fucked up
Hard to love and easy to leave and just so incredibly ugly
Such a joke for imagining someone would ever see something else
This time Im certain
Of my worthlessness, Im a monster
People get scared and run away when they see my face
My giant, distorted body. I am hideous.
This time isn’t different at all
Im still here, alone
