I always like to know where I stand and I always bring an umbrella that can double

Time is a one way road that only goes forward so that you know which direction t… but you can still go the wrong way down a one way road

If your phalanges cause you to philander pluck off the ring

I can only ever seem to do the math in the aftermath

If you can convince people that something is inevitable they will behave as if it’s already happened making its eventuality a non-event

Marxism is a sadism with a simple formula: My happiness becomes real the moment yours is dematerialized

All self-help books boil down to this: You can’t fold a piece of paper more than 7 times but if you could fold it 103 times

It was only after we debuted our sugar coated raisins to fight back against Craisins that I realized you could win hearts and minds

Because, per Morrissey “We hate it when our friends becom… we got rid of success by eliminating all competition except for the number of friends

Anticipation or dread work equally well at stopping time though the length of the work week

Seeing as I’m just the messenger It would be easier to tell you Than to show you Because words are all I’ve got But since, if I told you

I thought they’d finally say Mea culpa But they still just said Me

I spent most of my life naively believing that people mean what they say Then I came to understand that even when people don’t mean what t…

Maybe We’re all Late bloomers

You have to believe to commit And they think we’re crazy to beli… And would commit us as inpatients If only they had the patience But their patience has worn thin