I kind of lost myself on the way to becoming who I am now. I lost myself on the way to achieving my success, and finally “being someone”. And we all know that everyone will tell me that it was worth it, you know? You got one part of your dreams, don’t throw it away when it’s within your grasp! But what if I want to throw it away... Like all my old pairs of converse that I wore out until they fell apart. I wore those for years, then kept every single pair in my closet. Then one day I decided that they were taking up space, and into the trash they went! What if I throw away my dreams like that... What if they’re not my dreams in a couple years, like how those pairs of converse were no longer my favorite things in the world. I let them sit in the back of my mind continuing on with my life, then one day into the trash they go like they were just another phase. Like the combat boots, the converse, the dresses, the crazy clothes? What if my whole existence is just a never ending phase, never knowing who I really am underneath the eye make-up, and clothing, what if I never get to know who the real, raw, Brigitte really is? That would be a shame in my opinion. So what if I threw my dreams straight through a wall, and found a metal pole where they hit and shattered, and what those dreams knocked down was who I really was. It would be like shattering a glass window with a baseball, but instead you’d find an enormous, priceless treasure from your destruction, instead of just a a bunch of glass, and a bright red screaming angry mother. So I guess the point of what I’m trying to say is: if I threw out my dreams and what I did have, could I possibly throughout all the turmoil I would have to sludge through, after all of it, would the real me, per say, be there in the midst of my “double D” behavior?

It’s a mind bogling notion isn’t? The majority of you wouldn’t even dare to try such a thing. But me on the other hand, I would do anything to have the stories that I would obtain. I would die to fully understand what my experiences shaped me into, what kind of clay they used to mold me into the 5”1, 105 pound, petite fire ball with the long curly hair. I think that would be more fascinating, more fulfilling than any sort of money, or job, or success, or power could bring me. Knowing who you are completely seems to me, unattainable. So then you probably are asking yourself why I’m even talking about this in the first place. Well here’s my answer, in the most clear and accurate way I can put it:

I want you to find yourselves, because I’ll never know you, because no one but you can truly ever know who you are. I want you to achieve this sense of morality, dignity, and human understanding so you yourselves can make a difference with that small piece of knowledge, that others, may not find necessary. But it is. Just the fact of knowing who YOU are, that’s more satisfactory than any amount of money could bring you.

Search for that little kid inside you, that small part of you that’s held onto your innocence. You may think it’s gone... But it never really is. Before you move forward with your life you have to look back, recollect and forgive others, and yourself, discover who you were and how that’s shaped you into who you are now. No one’s pure, and no one’s perfect, but that’s just one thing that we can learn to accept about everyone else, because we ourselves have these traits too.

I just want to find who I was before I changed...