Although you deem it far from nice… And it perchance may hurt you, Let me suggest that cowardice Can masquerade as virtue; And many a maid remains a maid

Unto his housemaid spoke the Lair… "Tonight the Bishop is our guest; The spare room must be warmed and… To please him we will do our best. A worthy haggis you must make,

She phoned them when the Round wa… ‘How is my Joe?’ they heard her s… They answered: 'Gee! He’s going g… Your guy’s Okay.' She phoned them when the Round wa…

And is it not a gesture grand To drink oneself to death? Oh sure 'tis I can understand, Being of sober breath. And so I do not sing success,

Of course you’ve heard of the Nan… On her famous quest of the Arctic… For it was a foreign Prince’s whi… And a golden quid was no more to h… So we sailed away and our hearts w…

The Junior God looked from his pl… In the conning towers of heaven, And he saw the world through the s… Like a giant golf—ball driven. And because he was bored, as some…

I am a Day . . . My sky is grey, My wind is wild, My sea high—piled: In year of days the first

In all the pubs from Troon to Ayr Grandfather’s father would repair With Bobby Burns, a drouthy pair, The glass to clink; And oftenwhiles, when not too “fou…

This crowded life of God’s good g… No man has relished more than I; I’ve been so goldarned busy living I’ve never had the time to die. So busy fishing, hunting, roving,

We was in a crump—'ole, 'im and me… Fightin’ wiv our bayonets was we; Fightin’ ‘ard as ’ell we was, Fightin’ fierce as fire because It was ‘im or me as must be downed…

Another day of toil and strife, Another page so white, Within that fateful Log of Life That I and all must write; Another page without a stain

I am a mild man, you’ll agree, But red my rage is, When folks who borrow books from m… Turn down their pages. Or when a chap a book I lend,

If we could roll back History A century, let’s say, And start from there, I’m sure th… Would find things as to—day: In all creation’s cosmic range

When they shall close my careless… And look their last upon my face, I fear that some will say: “her li… A man of deep disgrace; His thoughts were bare, his words…