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Chris Gaither

Chris Gaither

Nobody Knows What They Want, So, Everybody Gets the Usual

The US Constitution rules out
cruel and unusual punishment
but that and a nickel
will get you 1% of a cup of coffee
now that cruelty is the usual

Other works by Chris Gaither...
The Algorithms Will Redact the Pact So You Can’t Abreact

It’s horrifying when two parties have a suicide pact but it’s exponentially worse that the far right and far left
Deal or No Deal

You keep the peace they get everything else
King Me: The Peace Movement Plays Checkers While the Militant Left Plays Chess

The most useful pawn is the one who believes himself king
I Believe Because It Is Averred

When God made man in His image He made a choice To give us a choice God always has a choice And He always chooses the good
“This is a story about control”

I respond to A nail in my tire Like it’s the last nail In my coffin
Art Imitates Near-death

The difference between A garden variety bullshitter And a bullshit artist Is that bullshitting is easy But a bullshit artist
How Do You Explain the Global Shortage of Galoshes?

We went from wearing galoshes over… to wearing galoshes over our shoes… to wearing galoshes as shoes and now we wear galoshes over galo…
Divided We Fall for It

I know how it must sound– A two-year long two—week lockdown— But let me expound And dish the lowdown: What we fear’s a hoedown
Knowing We Always Think of a Good Comeback Too Late, God Gives Us One Ahead of Time to Use When the Devil Tempts Us with Everything We Want: Who Wants That?

We are all problem children Our problem is Everything we do is done to get a… As if every action doesn’t come wi… An equal and opposite reaction
We Are All Inigo Montoya. Yet We All Killed the Name-of-the-Father. And We Are All Preparing to Die.

Civilization began When the sons killed the father And substituted the name-of-the-fa… Civilization is ending Now that we’ve killed off the name…
God Is Some Combination of Love and Work and Death, but God Is One, so, I Guess We’ll Live Forever When We Come to See Love and Work and Death as the Same Thing

Some people say They were born too late; I was almost born too soon But then along came the internet Just in time to stop time–
“A sign is anything that communicates a meaning that is not the sign itself”

Either like swords all signs have a point Or like the needle of a compass
To Have or Not to Have? That’s Not a Question

We used to have the haves and the have nots But then the haves were further subdivided into the haves and the have to
The Artificial Thinker

In Rodin’s famous sculpture The Thinker The subject, deep in thought Rests his chin on the back of his… There are memes on the internet in…
10,000 Ego Maniacs

A long time ago I received my mission statement: The best version of myself isn’t t… I’m currently on my ten thousandth… Trying to figure out what this mea…



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