Elephant
Found in torn papers.. with these little doodles of elephants. Haha I obviously put more down but it’s not really a poem. Just thoughts. I thought I’d save..
I won’t hear you
I never heard you
Whispers
Long ago now
When I stop hearing you
But I heard you
Just different
I’ll pretend
Id rather believe you are doing all the awful things you for some reason found solace in
I’d rather pretend you are still scheming while protecting
Playing two sides
Keeping up the lies
The spirit never dies
I’ll just assume you are still hating
For reasons I’m not sure
Looking for the cure
Why are you playing
Making things up
As you go along
Who is making stories true
Just to see what will ensue
Wanting it to be believed
All for some sort of thing to watch
To pull you from the everyday
Never just another notch
I still hear but not the way I did
Tell me that’s because you just detached
I don’t wanna hear it’s because you fade
That’s when I’ll be in real pain and have you hadn’t stayed
Just be alive and well
Stop making it look like it’s the darkest farewell
I won’t hear it
Just go play and be doin yourself
Go be the shy
Go be the liar
Go be the victim
Go be the innocent
Go be the narcissist
Go be the criminal
Go be the two faced friend who has anger
Go be the falsely judged
Go be the guy I know isn’t on my side
Go be the guy with with a diamond in his ear
Who I always knew liked what they liked
Of course I wasn’t hurt
I knew what you liked the most
I even told you go explore the highs and lows
Only don’t lay with danger
Watch the strangers
Stop telling people you threw me away
When I detached and waited for you to walk away.
It’s just absurd
I was the one making a mistake
Get the story right you already lied about me
Enough
Acting all tough
Then acting all victim like the weak.
You didn’t throw away anything
Tell everyone what I told you before walked away
But I didn’t try to stop you
I already knew who you were into
I had other timelines to clean up
Doesn’t mean I didn’t want it
But there’s a difference between want and love
And I heard that too soon
I value so you say
That made me feel chills
Knowing you were nothing but shadow
And I know you need to face it
But you wouldn’t
But ones that ended up surprising me in the break
You don’t seem to remember.
December to December.
It was I who made it a choice
And I regret that dearly
So no I wasn’t hurt when you did the same
You said all you would do
The second I spoke to you
You went on and on about what kind of person you were
This isn’t my first time around you know
All you said you felt bad for doin
I knew you were just telling me a checklist of the fact I was next
Only I knew you hadn’t met anyone like me yet.
Visa versa.
You thought you knew me and you didn’t have a clue
My words were once art
Exaggerated
Now I’m speaking directly to you
Now they are real
Just be well
Don’t speak to me in spirit
Don’t tell me what I thought you said
I’d rather fight
Who is right
I’d rather yell
I’d rather you tell me you think I’m the worst thing
To go to hell
Tell me true and make it sting
Tell me he didn’t do what I heard he did
Tell me you haven’t been hid
Tell me nothing
Because you are out playing
Ignore me because you have options
And they are all more important than me
Tell me that
Instead of what I felt or what I don’t wanna think
Tell me the list of nonsense you committed on me
Tell me that I’ll smile
Just tell me you can speak
Tell me you hate me
Always late be
Anything other than missing
Dying in a darkness
I don’t want that
Tell me you simply opened the closet door
Finally what I told you was important of me
I knew you to the very core of you
I was your friend
Had your back
No
Matter the lack
As long as you are out there being the same you always been
Or if not youre doin all the right things?
Do it so i dont even see
Just live
For you and only you
Don’t tell me you are anything but breathing
And happy
Or at least feeling
Even if in sorrow
Just don’t be still and feeling nothing
Why has the whisper gotten thin
Just tell me you are running busy
Ignoring nothing more
No I won’t hear it
Just stop
I didn’t wanna hear it
When I first heard
And I won’t hear it now.
Don’t.
I can’t hear
And now I’ve unheard it
The black and white
near the title
Those eyes
Have notes of limerence
But now I’ve realized it was much more serious interference
Just eyes be open
With your normal reckless false self assurance.
I won’t hear it
I won’t hear what I just heard
I’ll cut it
You know you already know
It never was
What you made it look like
It was always what you knew it was
Lie to your ego
I already know so.
But I have scissors
I threw away
Because it don’t sever
But a will? A will to ignore even the most obvious?
I got that
As long as your blood is not yet cold
Go in peace
I’ll try to keep you out of it.
Anyone who really knows me
Knows when I can’t stop talking and I act so into it
It’s not real for me
It’s only art
But when I grow quiet
And thoughtful
I’ve realized how serious I am.
The shorter I say things
The more matter of fact
The more I realized
This wasn’t what I thought
This wasn’t a big game
A play
This wasn’t for fun
This was not cards at a table
Checkered black and white
Pieces to move around
Words to be woven from day to night
A desire
Limerence or even simple love
This is depth
So as long as you are you loudly
You see I’m not even being clever anymore
No beauty in the way I say what I say
I’m sure I will again like before
But about you I’m gray
No long black and white
No longer in spite
No longer playing a game
No longer a painting in frame
But cold and beautiful life
I’ve carved out with a knife
A tattoo in the skin
I think it’s called a scar
No longer nostalgia or what’s been
No longer near or far
When I go quiet you can be sure
I take it very seriously
I hear it now it’s very real
But it’s also where I’ll retreat
I’ll forget it with a will because
It goes forward no more
But is it a stop or pause
It’s not just the gift but also the flaws
That I bring from you this and me
Within
And make it a core memory
Not just a passing passion
A nostalgia
A fun chapter
No now it’s a part of the essence of me.
Therefore it has power over me
And where I can see no future
I cut it
Although this string I cannot cut
So i ignore it a will.
Turn it off
Turn away
But what I heard it say
Better not be the case
Then you will see a tear
The one you always wanted to see.
Tell me your still out there plotting revenge and hating me
Instead of something worse.
Be that curse
But don’t be cursed.
Be what you throw
But don’t let it take you alive.
The whispers are so quiet
Tell me why
The elephant in the room is so distant
I see obvious and all can see
But it’s so distant
But it turns and turns up and around.
It’s breaking things though
Without a sound
Crs
This talks of wanting someone to be happy and alive instead of sad and dark and alone or dead. Wanting someone to be doin whatever even if it be the worst stuff to you ever. It don’t matter as long as they aren’t unwell. That real understand and care. I was wondering why I had no room on phone and I found a locked folder. I put them online in an online folder .. I couldn’t delete them. I have issue deleting chapters of my life no matter what. Especially beautiful pictures.. the password is a certain movie if the desire to see them ever arises
