To Suffer, by C.R.Stanger

C.R.Stanger

To Suffer

Written back in 2011. Put up on Facebook 14 yrs ago today. I’m not sure what I could be suffering from. But suffice to say I’m glad I handle life and sorrow differently now. Grew up probably. Still write when sad but I don’t handle it so sadly and inwardly.

I can suffer with the best of them

Certainly one of my greatest strengths

Rewind please so I know better

Because I can’t handle this at any length

Its too late now which is why I despair

I forsee nothing but pain ahead

And whats worse is that not one would care

That foolish notion taking control in my head

I might have enjoyed once to suffer

I know better than that now I must say

You’d think I craved it with such unchecked passion

Drinking in all things that come my way

So I ask myself, what I am suppose to do?

I cannot ask thoughts from what may as well be a ghost.

I can’t ask such a thing from either or

And I believe that is what hurts me the most

Why would I risk anything on a problem that’s only mine

Sometimes I just wanna scream out for a sign

Standing on a ledge walking a tight thin rope

I can’t seem to gain balance nor even seem to cope

I know well how to suffer right

And I know well how to suffer wrong

I know how by myself with my soul too fight

I know how to pretend well and go along

Laying here with my blood clashing through my veins

Rushing its way straight thru my heart.

I know I sound unwell, perhaps insane

No im simply in some ways breaking apart

Watching lights pass my eyes

Eyes passing over the window at night

A voice I know so well sounding like a stranger

And my skin not feeling like my own hugging tight

I’ll be goin it alone this time without a fight

And im tired of fighting what will be will be

I know how to melt into the shadows

Ive tried to wrangle fate my entire life

Ill simply sink to its depths leaving the shallows

And I’ll simply stay here fighting for breath

I’ll stand here knowing there will be no death

Just knowing how to suffer wrong and right

But there is no right or wrong

I wish I could tell you but thatd be wrong

and I know well enough

when I dont wish to belong

Suffering

Its if you can take it when it’s new

And let it pass you by when its old

Yet I turned away and it only grew

If only I could fix it before I’m cold

Pretending it isnt there is not gonna make it go away

And Im lost because of this.

—CRS

2011

Aww young one navigating anguish and what I deemed suffering then which it was .. to that version... I actually still relate with some verses others I find a bit silly. But back when I wasn’t quite sure yet of myself .. 2011 old.. not that great but there is a certain humor sing songy feel in its verse. And one could only guess at what I’m suffering at .. some youthful heartbreak probably.. back when I played victim to myself more.. but found it today on Facebook memories . Posted it back in 2011

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C.R.Stanger

To Suffer

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