christmas
purple flowers grow out of a rabbits spine
and i lay in the green slime that floats on top of a river
the trees extend their branches to parade their leaves
and i watch them as i say goodbye to their beauty
some places are so gorgeous they stay inside your mind forever
and they transform as you recount them to people
so little traces of heaven start to take root in minds
and grow each time a person feels the luxury of happiness
last night i could not sleep again
i kept thinking of true loneliness
and how some people never feel it
they have a safety net made out of their loved one’s palms
they will never know what it feels like to watch your bones fall into an abyss
its christmas time and im alone at home
the only gifts i recieved were from me and the coffeeshop
free papers and carbon filters
i could even chose what colour i wanted the papers to be
i smiled at the cashier
i think when i enter my place i enter a cave of forgetting
im safe in my fortress and the outside is forgetten and at the same time the outside forgets me
i think it is a gift
to be so alone
and the only sense of home to ever have is to be you
then noone can pierce holes in your body through which you bleed out
and noone laughs at your pain
or twists what you say against you
like a barbed wire being gently placed on top of eyelids
and excuses made for murder
my mother murdered me many times over
she is like an evil scientist that hates her own creation
and my eternall challange is to disregard everything she ever said
like that little elephant
the one they made that experiment on
it was tied to a rope and even when it grew it felt like it had to stay
well i am a little elephant
and i did run away
but i keep beating myself with that stick
and that can be scary when you are at the bottom of an abyss
but sometimes i float upwards
and the surface is a meadow
im happy to be alone
i know noone will ever know me
