All I can see and hear is blood red fire

My rage is stirring

Why do I let him in?

He is not mine, not anymore

Please God, wake me up

I am not 26, I am 7

You have a great job

You have a new car

You are beautiful

Do you know me at all?

Does money and pretty things somehow make my insanity disappear?

Do I wish it could?

OF COURSE!

I try, I have to try each moment of each day

The effort is exhausting

My anger, my hatred, my neediness so easily takes over

It only takes one word, one kiss, one realization

My world turns upsidedown

I yell, I cry, I crawl back

All I want is to be loved

I give it all away until I am a shell

He slither in with sweet words

Then goes right back to her

He just wanted me for one moment, again

My love is disastrous

Tornadoes circling, running through me

Sometimes they are distant

But they are always there, taunting me

I can always see them

I know they are coming

Caos makes me feel alive

I get lightheaded and loose control

I grow cold when the fire dies down

I am unhuman

I am autopilot

I am zombie

Feelings overwhelm me, so there has to be none

Breath, relax, pick yourself up

You are OK

The dust settles, and the clouds roll back

A ting of sunlight peeks out

There is hope

There is strength

Just another episode

Someone will love you, someday

The numbness will fade

Your heart will start beating

Your ears will stop ringing

Put back on your fake smile, so maybe one day it will be true