Earthquake
Ice
Car
Driving
Drive safe
Something not finished.
Fear
Windy in the branches
Branches of poison.
Shaking in the ice
Shaking in the wind
Shaking on the ground.
Don’t light the match
All the shaking
Will set it all ablaze and we will lose the whole place.
Miss I miss. I miss miss. Miss I do a sip or three ..but How do you spell the state bird of of Hawaii?
On an island isn’t a bad place if. Your doomed to be drowned
It’s a place I’d never ever be found
I don’t do week in salt.
In a swim
Suit is always foul play
I dog walk the beach
Ala Ok? George and the Atlantic Ocean.
New Jersey devils all the way in from San Diego. But they mixed up San Antonio
Their saints are all sinful
Houston we have a problem. To many Alaskan hounds through the night bled because the snow melted.
Utah had one less church. I’d eat a tater with a ho.
Meet me in St. Louis.
Another saint? Or is it Luis?
Chicago isn’t the only Windy City anymore.
Ill in the loud noise
The Great Lakes have more than answers and not a single solution.
Andrew don’t you go to New York anymore?
San Diego. Louisiana.
The towers go down in Yorktown
That was such a long time ago.
But I was seeing the numbers 911 and 1111 long before they fell.
Now everyone’s towers are falling around
And 911 had come back.
Theirs fires in our hearts and fires out back.
Their storms and lightning sizzling through the air
That shrieks with wind that carries the bad news that you think isn’t fair
It’s only Ten can you see? Ken and tuck Kan sass me?
No place like home?
Well sign it good I don’t have one anymore I’m alone.
And I like it this way.
I gave up my roots
I set them on fire
I don’t remember family
I’m disgusted by a liar
I wasn’t ever much of a cryer
But they kept it all hid and then blamed it on the liar.
That’s the plan probably slap it on a flier
If we put it on trees by night
It’s may be a Bible by sun rise
You may just have an army of followers help you fight
Because a mob loves to believe lies
Made up on someone who is quiet and won’t even try
To make themselves some one who’s eyes
Sparkle with anger and grow dull in a fight that has to end in blows
Take it easy take it slow
Here we go making things
But love a begged intent he
Or I’m just making up more funny
We love word play don’t we?

Definitely not my own
I sat in my car two days ago.
A cardinal ran into my window then perched on hood in front of me before flying away.
I wasn’t this big of a sign person
But after the stubborn very loud crow heralded nothing but death and destruction.
I see a red bird and I know something.
Then a bathroom?
Still about that?
Who cares...
Or is it something new.
And yes yes I have headaches some.

And then
It must be said
No dreams of you since you walked away
Maybe one back a bit
Then 2 far In the day.
And sickenenly 2 were true
But no other
But two nights now I’ve dreamed of you
The first was like a darkness
Solid black
It was not about you
I simply saw you through trees somewhat like curtains.
Red.
Blood
You looked up
Eyes open.
But then all disappeared
Anyone would say well that’s normal for me.
I have messed up dreams.
But not two nights in a row.
The second disturbed me.
Someone called me that sounded like you.
But it didnt.
You asked to come talk.
Which I didn’t know if wanted ever.
I’d rather over phone.
This made me change my mind.
For it’s wasn’t you who showed up.
It was weird.
When they did.
Sat on a deck on someone’s back porch and I don’t even know whos talking.
Then I got another call
Saying you were dead.
I walked back over to whoever this was
I know who it was but I won’t say here
But it’s someone I’ve known my whole life.
Nothing alike at all
But it’s metaphorical.
I said some things
Asking them some questions only you’d know
And of course they couldn’t tell me.
They gave up and said who they were and I rolled my eyes saying yes I can see that.
But they said yes you were dead.
This definitely affected me much more than I thought it would.
And I’m effected now as I’m awake
Reassessing what you meant in my life.
I care but I don’t need the nonsense.
Now I don’t know what to think.
But I went to funeral
I had to pretend to not be sad.
I don’t know why i had to pretend I wasn’t.
I sat at front with... others.
But then you came in
only you were very sick.
with a death sentence.
I won’t say more.
But a few things I just don’t like.
It was one of those funerals where you have one before death.
What is this I ask myself
I mean I could see having this long ago
But now without much thought on the situation
For two nights in a row.
I felt unworried before except a few times I felt or heard upon the string
But I couldn’t bother myself too much.
As I can’t worry for people not in my life
And people who have no wish to be in mine
I can’t expend any energy or thought for
I send love and calm in thoughts
And
I let them go
I’ve no wish for revenge
For any foul actions
I just don’t care
Only some moments in silence I’ll start feeling a bit of fear or sadness for them.
Especially since the tether is very real.
Fabricated or not
A soul tie is real.
As I used to feel the emotions of both.
Believe it or not.
2-4 weeks ago I stopped. Silence.
What does it mean?
I had hoped just a broken binding
A broken fabrication
But the cord seems to be organic
As it seems to grow back
Real
But
To dream of this only now
When now more than even I don’t think of it.
What is this.
I left out a few details.
But suffice to say.
Now I’m wishing I knew
While physically pushing you away.
I’m not sure what I’m doin spiritually
I wouldn’t but
I don’t feel like hearing only half truths.
But now what I was so certain of long before finally subsided.
I never waited but still knew the string would always exist.
But finally it seemed to snap.
But it grows back.
Something always energetically ties it back.
If it’s you doin it why?
Why are you like this?
Is it real or not?
You think I can’t feel and hear exactly what you’re feeling maybe thinking
You are so conflicted
So proud then guilted
Own what happened and then out the end at the bottom and start anew
That’s what I’m doin.
Don’t let it hang
But I thought never again
Or I did
Until a month ago.
But now
Here it is back.
But what are these dreams
what do you mean?
What do you mean?
Not knowing what you are goin through
I mean at least from a friend I pledged to help regardless.
I’d be quite the friend to help you through what you have done.
It’s just sad if you wished me anything but alive
I did nothing to you
You did it to yourself.
Could be wrong about what I hear
But if not
Why?
Doesn’t sound smart.
Did I mix up some things?
Doesn’t matter you’re all part of it.
If you didn’t wanna be you’d have said so
Not allowed
No
You’d have found some way to communicate it
You don’t.
It tells me all I need to know
Priorities
I didn’t ask to be made a priority ever
I’m just that person I put people first to an extent
Until advantage taken of it
These ideas of using or throwing away are delusions
I must tell a truth and that is that I hung on for same reason and simply waited for you to leave first.
I can get invested in limerence deeply but it don’t mean anything
But then
Oh then.
At first immediately
Silence for a few months
I think ah bindings gone
That’s all it was.
You’re awful. next!
Then 3rd month
Something
Just enough time to reflect on my wrongs as well as yours
And the mirroring
Then I felt something not mine
Then you can bet I was looking again into things twin.
And then I saw I would protect you even though you deserved nothing of the sort.
I said I chose you to help stand no matter what.
But being connected to my own I knew I may never even speak again
But still I’d try even when others would say that’s pathetic to let them walk on you
Turn them in.
No one said that but they would but
No no.
I’m not truly bothered by what they did
And honestly I don’t think he’s ever been loved unconditionally in his life
If it bites me for real I’ll do something
But I had no idea I meant it like I did then.
Like letting my entire life get messed up because getting the rest in trouble also means you
You may be already by now
But back then? Far back when I said I choose you to always help.
I was being my regular dramatic self
Nursing an intense chemical attraction with a feeling of being able to be oneself and familiarity and bromance only I wasn’t a bro
that you lie if you say that was also not felt by you
Hate me or not
Gaslight so much it becomes obvious you feel exactly what you deny
Just holding hands with unchecked hatred and betrayal for a reason not even in my ability to commit
I asked to be no priority but now?
It’s the only way I’ll ever see of any again
Just because then I’d of been wrong to ask it then
All or nothing is just where I am in life
Nothing personal to any
You didn’t really know me then and I tried to tell you.
I was just in a transitional state in my life so you wouldn’t understand what I spoke of was truth but ever changing.
I haven’t changed at all since our last conversations.
I’m just not one dimensional and you’re used to those. Or those that hide everything they are from everyone
I don’t
You just have to get to know
Me and it take so long
I have many sides.
But I didn’t change I would’ve always ended up the same towards all of it
I’m back to square one thanks to fools meddling
That’s ok I can deal
I’ll be back where I was in no time
Never interested in seeing anyone new
That’s offensive I’m not you
I don’t get over people i care about with someone else.
I’m not even trying to get over anyone
I’m busy dealing with myself
Why is everyone always on the search for love
It either happens by chance or I don’t try
I don’t use dating apps like others did the entire time.
People assumed I did because I drew some weirdos that were connected to something so I thought heh. I’ll find out more.
“Merlin” who fascinatingly knew all I knew and had all this in common with me.. wow.. how neat.. the pos think I don’t know? and Tripp who so conveniently couldn’t stop sending pics and asking for mine. Who also knew two old friends and pretended he didn’t..What person told them I’d just melt at the sight or cave
Boy yall really didn’t know me
apps are trash
Gonna try to tell me they were just randomly trying
Maybe but they were suspicious
Don’t matter I would never even look at them twice
.. no judgment at all
Of course I knew all this.
I felt guilty about you not realizing of course I knew this
I kept saying you are attached to others
And you said no no
And I knew better.
But I thought you had a couple in hand
So I didn’t think I was wrong to be around
Especially one very angry one who screamed at me walking away from your house
I’m just not into all the drama and guys still playing  obsessions and insecurity who can’t see they are acting foolish.. it’s off putting  and just not my thing. i don’t become an idiot for anyone.
But I did have deep feelings I didn’t know about yet
I was just leaning into limerence intensely
And the chemistry
Until you took that away hoping to bring pain.
How could you bring pain?
You didn’t even get under my skin yet?
Had you stayed the same?
Kept all the same as the start?
Then disappeared? That would’ve got me
Someone needs lesson in how to break a heart. Smile heh
But it still wouldn’t have worked why?
I can still feel and hear you on the string
Please someone tell me it’s fabricated because I wanted to think it’s of my imagination but that keeps getting proved wrong
If you don’t want it then get rid of it
Stop binding and controlling through misuse of the spirit
Just because I’m not seeing other doesn’t mean I wont
I’m giving my time now to who deserves it most
Because they gave me time when I needed them.
They now need me so I can’t
But I still felt what I felt and I know that’s certain I’m not confused about how I felt anymore
I’ve tried to leave so many times to leave  this area
But I gotta figure out all the nonsense first
And I just am ready to go.
I’d probably walk around if I wasn’t a lone female. But I am.
Just goin to a city for a year or something.
Sometimes I wish I had you to talk to
I do a lot
But when you are not acknowledged for that long?
You kinda shrug and go nvm
help my need to honestly turn free
I’ve tried to and it doesn’t budge
but I was mistaken in the limerence
It was love because it just happened  and I still can’t believe it.
I’ve never questioned myself more
Are you sure about that
Yea for me.
Because whatever you had to go
Through I wanted to keep you from
What is that if not love
Maybe it wasn’t platonic physical or romantic yet
But spiritual because it hurt me as well
Well look at that
It hurts me too...
Except I meant that.
Wow sometimes I do really
Miss those days walking
Spring
I can’t believe what seemed like the present feels like yesterday and years ago at the same time
Yea I’d get that back if I could
But that?
That will never come back.
But I’d love to be near the person I made those memories with.
I didn’t realize they’d mean so much
It was so short a time
Another reason it’s real.
Me?
I’d never still feel anything if it wasn’t.
We weren’t even that much of anything for longer than 4 months z
After that you started trying to complete your agenda which was just absurdly futile
Lost from the jump
Maybe it’s the string that makes me think so.
Because I cared more about protecting a person who wished me gone
Cold dead
Or whatever crazy things to pay for what you felt.
And I wished to protect you even if it meant me dead
What is that if not love
And now?
Now I know
You know I miss you to death
I’d love nothing more than to sit and talk with you again
But that’s not enough.
Not when you seem to wanna trick and trap and do evil
But isn’t that what they wanted me to believe?
They are doin a good job why?
Well you won’t defend.
So why wouldn’t it be true?
Or you don’t care..
All the same
Yes it’s true I miss you
But that’s not enough
If you weren’t my enemy for no reason
But you choose to be
So..
Sadly I can’t
But even you must wanna go back sometimes.
I had problems then. But why did they seem less.
Also can you explain the ability we had to bend time? I should write about it
I’m sorry to say you always brought that up with very real amazement.
You weren’t acting
What does that say to me?
I think you know.
So no I don’t like these dreams
Why am I having them foolish
Have you ever thought if you were teaching me boundaries which I’m gonna be honest anyone else the walls would’ve gone up the second you said that that night back in March 2023 but I already told you I accept your bs. I forgive you for past present and future and turns out look at that I knew.. maybe because I did really know already. Of so many things..
but yes If you were teaching me boundaries with specifically you don’t you ever think I’m tryin to teach the need for confrontation some in your life?
Come on be brave
Stand by what you did but don’t be an asshole.
So what? If someone’s a friend they forgive . Ahem yes even your criminal list.
But again someone with that list? Would never have changed...
If they had? I’d be shocked so shocked your past would instantly be forgiven. But let’s be realistic you still resent me and are bitter for no reason. I’ve done nothing to you you brought it on yourself. Be a man and realize you gotta own up to the mistakes you make. It’ll look so much better on you . Especially if you’re not a brat and you actually feel bad and change.
The word sorry is meaningless
Otherwise? We have nothing to talk about.
But confrontation man. Sometimes it’s needed.
You don’t have a problem talking smack at a bar drunk
So why confrontation when you’re in the wrong? You ever think the other may have some things to to apologize for?
You can be so much better
Idk why you sell yourself so short and think eh whatever I’m already a piece of shit so I’m gonna stay one
I would want better for myself.
I want better for you wherever you’re at.
You think that’s judging?
No whatever I say of you I feel the same about me..
I ain’t proud of a lot either
If what I heard is right then yes you can change.. even half of it right? You can change .. you just won’t... apathy denied. And it’s funny I’m preaching but twin if they ain’t real then it’s something crazy. I’m talking to myself as well.
It’s wild the lessons are the same but different.
It continues to be wild to witness.
But I’ll ignore it
I won’t ever deal with someone who can’t be a good person or even try to. But I’m talking as if I didn’t dream you died
I don’t want to hear this.
Idk why I dreamed it
Maybe it’s my mind subconsciously trying to erase you
That’s sad
I don’t feel that way
I’m not all that bothered by you gone as the journey is what it is
I’m not a magnet right now because of where I am and the work I need to do too.
I wish you’d put down drink though
It’s so bad for you
That’s one thing I put down.
Not saying I’ve done great but I’ve had one drink the whole year of 2024
I shrunk immediately ha .. it was so unhealthy you can tell when and it makes you ill.l.
I wish you’d slow down if you aren’t
I hope I’m wrong but why does it feel like you’re drinking a lot
Or you were not to far back.
Hah I seriously think about that.
I go damn hope he ain’t drinkin that cheap dog mess again. . I’m getting too personal
But this site has become funny to me
I keep all this stuff
Just add it to the wild things that Happendd around all this
I’ll go back to strictly poetry but when you act like you are trying to say something through this yet don’t on anything else?
I stopped trying to make it poetic and made it a journal of letters
I find it cool really
Not for anyone else
If you ain’t reading and it’s someone attempting to say something alike to what you might’ve or I think you might’ve? Then hats off to them.
I’d still write this. It helps me stop thinking about something negatively like those dreams..
But I don’t want you gone
No.
I really don’t.
And you can’t be innocent of any of it.
If you were
You would’ve defended yourself.
And you didn’t.
So that’s admission.
Why else would you not say
Hey I didn’t do that.
What could it be stopping you?
Hmmm whatever could it be?
And then these dreams.
I don’t wanna know.
But I do.
I’d kill you if you died and I didn’t know.
Totally..... I would.
Realistic expectations.